Sam (part four)

He Doesn't Know.
how he feels i mean...
i mean sam. he finally went online...
i cannot beleive this.... i have spent all day wondering... and now... nothing.
im scared... im losing him... i can feel it... and that scares me more than anything.
i need him. to breath.
aaron just went online.

i just want yhoo to know...
that i understand.
ur hearts mine boy, so dont you forget,
cuz...
this is my wurld, only one way in, only one way out, so dont yooo think u can walk all over me, cuz ull stick like ur wearing gravity boots....
so, one day i see you. ur with her, it juust takes one look, form me 2 u, and i know, ur just hiding behind her eyes..
i smile, i wave, at her, then you... she smiles back, only you see the hunger, the need, cuz..
this is my wurld, only one way in, only one way out so dont yooo think you can walk all over me, cuz ull stick like ur wearing gravity boots
the next time i see yooo, ur alone, and i take my chaance, i push yoo, against the wall, just teasin, and i know that now, ur mine and there is no way in hell, ur gettinn away agen
wooooaaoooh, cuz
this is my wurld, only one wayn in, only one way out so dont yooo think u can wakl all ova me, cuz ull stick like ur wearing gravity boooots...
and i know, u said its over, face the facts so iiii saiii to yhoo, i dont think so boii, im the devil ur my sinner, my most prized possesion, ur not gettin away anytime soooon
cuz this is my wurld only one way in onliii onee waaayy out, so dont yhooooo think u can walk all over me, cuz ull stick, oh u'll stiiick to meee like ur on the moon weariing graviity boots...
and i just want you to know,
i understand ur
hearts mine boy, so dont you forget
cuz.

thats a song i just made up.. rubbish isnt it? it took alot of work.... sam is still set to brb, so il talk to him later... i hope me and him can sort this shit out, cuz as i said, i need him. hes my everything. and i know,

'dont make one person ur everything, i did, and now im left with nothing'

which is good, i have nothing to lose, i can deal with this.
i promise.
i might be a song writer... i wanna be a curator y'know... i cant wait untill im 18.... the world is so full of choices, people to meet, decisions to be made... speaking of decisions... hurry up sam!!
crap. hes gone offline. im ggonna wait until he comes back on...
chow for now amigo
Byee x



Later on......
holy shit, hes online!! ahh!!
ok hana, stay cool!! you can do this!! just aproach him carefully... um.. u cant aproach ppl on the net... o dear lord.. im talking/typing to myself!!! wow i really like this guy... that sucks.
hes offline. its been a matter of seconds.... this sucks.. again, i will wait.

Even Later On.......
im thinking about copying all of these, and y'know, making a story out of them... i dunno... i could keep this FOREVER!! woo!! but, im not so sure.. i hope i will!! this is the longest ive ever kept a diary, y'know... i miss sam...... i want him to go online, and read the instant msg i left him!!!!!!
i hope there is a god... 'cause then he can help me win over sam. because i love him. way WAY WAY!! im listening to linkin park, what ive done... its a very good song... goo i pace myself... woo!! lol...
i like linkin park alot.. especially when people make videos with ff and linkin park as the cover song... im gonna listen to some music off my phone... i wish marzipan would stop running round his cage!! i can barely hear my phone... im listening to aerosmith?!?!?!? woop woop!! wicked song, i think its i dont wanna miss a thing.... i like it!! YAY! WAY!
i read the boy in the striped pajamas... it was very sad, and unurving,,, it told me, that even when u achaive in something, its still gonna bite back, nothings for free... even taking over a country and killing, no, murdering thousands of people... brunos father was a bad man... but hitler was worse... we're doing hitler in history... im gonna take history next year.... should be fun... im also taking business studies and german!! woop!!
im now going on bbc radio one, because i want to listen to the radio...... should be fun!! woop woop!!
i wish sam would go online, and read the message i left him.. big time!!!!! =)
or should i say =(....... i wish i was happy...
ok, radio officially on!! WOOP!! pete tong.. hes ok.. i prefer chris moyles though.. mind you, he is aimed at the younger teen audience i think.. well, i think anyways!!
me and connor made a bet today. i told him i could break him within the year, nd get him to tell me who he fancies. if i do, i get a tenner, if i dont, i give him a tenner! ahh!!
i think i will... i broke az the spaz.. thats nasty, but i mean it as a joke!!!!
lol...
i used to fancy az... but hes not intrested in having a girlfriend, unfortunatly....
i like the radio..
this is the easiest book i have ever writen, because it already has characters, a setting, a plot line (me, norwich, my declining social life?!?)
im bored... i never thought id write a blog.... i guess im writing to pass the time... lol.
nobody intresting is online!! AHH!! i have to get marzipan out in 15 mins... the joy. he just bites me!!
koh, the other day at lunch, connor like pinned me down, and i thought, for one second, that he was going to kiss me... but then he started tickling me to death!!
i wonder, what it would be like, for connor to kiss me? i wouldn't mind if he did... but, i dunno... never really thought of him that way.. but pablo? hell yeah!! i had a major crush on jamie in year 8, but now we just rock at being friends... i value that.
i call jamie pablo, or jamie dodger.. so thats who im talking about, if i say those nicknames!!
wow, the radio is B-O-R-I-N-G!!
Wish i had a decent book, but they are all upstairs... grr, sam GO ONLINE!! wow, i hope he never reads this, even if i do somehow manage to publish this. i think i might not... this is all a bit personal, even if becky is most likley reading this!!
i babble on a bit... oh well... SAM, GO ONLINE!!
i just wanna scream from the rooftops... my heart just jumped, as sabby went online, i thought it was him..
i had a major go at tom yesturday.... i dont think he will even talk to me again...
huff!!
yeah...
im off the radio now, and im on bebo, listening to cascada-miricle.. its a rockin' song!!
i have this file.. its called 'thouts of a broken child' its where i write down all my songs...
i may not have mentioned this, im not sure, but i have short term memory loss... i mean, i have no memory of yesturday, but.... of years and years ago!


i think im going to give up on sam now...
its lateish and i have to get marzipan out... ill leave this screen up, so ill write some more when he is out and sorted!!
bye amigos!!
x