heya David!!
again, its been a while...
i told matty how i feel... felt.... but, he just wants to be friends... thats cool.. i think i was just pretending, y'know? for the sake of Bex, and The Plan
i made up with lucy now... feels weird... lol!!
i was having a 'fight' with lucy on bebo... i just deleted the picture... its just causing upset.. but she said i wrote stuff bout her family.. i think shes read this. i did say i hate simon.. we i do. but i dunno.. i regretted what i wrote, even the killing thing, that was just a depression thing.. a spur of the moment life isnt worth living thing.. i have tried to delete them, but i dont think i can. i didnt even remember writing that y'know...
i just bury and hide all the bad things away. im moving on in life.
Sam asked me to marry him. i pointed out the legal ramifications, so, he asked me out instead. he says he loves me. i told him id think about it. i think i should give him a chance. maybe, even if its a small one.
i play sudoku alot now... im gonna go on it, once ive finished this..
and guess what??
i wrote a happy song. about my friends. i called it *my glory Daiis*
its not about love, hate or death. its a good song. it felt nice to write it.
i found my auntie, and more relatives from island on bebo.. i found::
fionnagh cuz
maria auntie
michelle cuz
gav cuz
kim cuz
manny cuz in law married to fionnagh
and sum wicked pictures of hana, robyn, rayna, and aaron!!
i think im emptying the hate out of me... i realise, i have so many people to help me, that when i fall, ppl are there to hold my hand, and lift me up, and carry me for a while.
i think im gonna say yes to sam... hes a great guy.. im starting again. with my mum, my house, and my friends, my brothers and sister!!
im going to try delete the nasty things i said. for lucy, and hilary and chris's sake. but i just dont think im a part of their family anymore... but, i have my own family, so im ok.
ill miss them.. ill still see them, ofcorse!!! but.. maybe not as much?
and i think, although simon was extremely horrible, and nasty to me, and my mum, and still can be, i dont think i hate him. i still dont want to be near him. but, maybe its not as extreme.
i gotta go.. sudoku awaits!!!
Bye david
xXx
Sunday, 3 June 2007
Tuesday, 22 May 2007
Its Been A While..
Hey David..
hey look, sam is online.. and before u ask ( i know you cant!!) im over him.. i had this fling thing goin on with tom, and again today.. he kept trying to touch me up, so i left....
but, i dunno.. i nearly kissed him.. but the last time i started to like him.. well.. he turned me down, and well.. that upset me alot..
so.
wel..
im kinda bored... i know i dont want to get into any kind of realationship with tom, but i wish hed go online, so i can talk to him...
well.. he is stil not online, but im not going to let this bother me.. im gonna focus on school... getting a decent date for the prom.. that kinda stuff..
I went with Kaz and kim, to help kyle, (kazs' boyfriend) with confidence... he is singing, for the year 11 Final assembly.... and he is an amazing singer... i mean it.. but he just cant see it.. he is sooo sweet... i think i MIGHT have the smallest of crushes on him, but i doubt it.. he is just sooooooooo sensitive!! he has to sing with his eyes closed, that is how nervous he is, and he is shaking all the time.. but mr jay is going to help him, and to overcome his fear... and
MY GOD KYLE IS FIT!! and cute!!!!
but, he is out of bounds... kazs' boyfriend for gods sake!!!
oh, the joy.. Pablo thinks i fancy him... guh-reat.. i wanted to tell him something.. i wanted to tell him, that we shouldnt be friends, until the whole chelsea thing is done, cuz well... she is SUCH A SLAG!!
i hate her, mega hate.. she has put him thru sooo much!!
jamie has decided to give up on her, though he still loves her.. he said that with all the rest..
he went up to her today and said !to her face!
"I'm Not like other guys, I don't Wank.."
Can u believe him??
im suprised she didnt just piss herself laughing!!
poor pablo!!
well.... he chose this...
but im not one to judge!! hehe!!
hehe... now sam thinks i like him, and tom went online, lolgasm.. that is totally my new word!! oh, and "well thats just rude" or "ur nasty!!"
hehe.. i love being me!!
lol!
i think im gonna go now...
might write later!!
love ya david!!
XXXHANAXXX
hey look, sam is online.. and before u ask ( i know you cant!!) im over him.. i had this fling thing goin on with tom, and again today.. he kept trying to touch me up, so i left....
but, i dunno.. i nearly kissed him.. but the last time i started to like him.. well.. he turned me down, and well.. that upset me alot..
so.
wel..
im kinda bored... i know i dont want to get into any kind of realationship with tom, but i wish hed go online, so i can talk to him...
well.. he is stil not online, but im not going to let this bother me.. im gonna focus on school... getting a decent date for the prom.. that kinda stuff..
I went with Kaz and kim, to help kyle, (kazs' boyfriend) with confidence... he is singing, for the year 11 Final assembly.... and he is an amazing singer... i mean it.. but he just cant see it.. he is sooo sweet... i think i MIGHT have the smallest of crushes on him, but i doubt it.. he is just sooooooooo sensitive!! he has to sing with his eyes closed, that is how nervous he is, and he is shaking all the time.. but mr jay is going to help him, and to overcome his fear... and
MY GOD KYLE IS FIT!! and cute!!!!
but, he is out of bounds... kazs' boyfriend for gods sake!!!
oh, the joy.. Pablo thinks i fancy him... guh-reat.. i wanted to tell him something.. i wanted to tell him, that we shouldnt be friends, until the whole chelsea thing is done, cuz well... she is SUCH A SLAG!!
i hate her, mega hate.. she has put him thru sooo much!!
jamie has decided to give up on her, though he still loves her.. he said that with all the rest..
he went up to her today and said !to her face!
"I'm Not like other guys, I don't Wank.."
Can u believe him??
im suprised she didnt just piss herself laughing!!
poor pablo!!
well.... he chose this...
but im not one to judge!! hehe!!
hehe... now sam thinks i like him, and tom went online, lolgasm.. that is totally my new word!! oh, and "well thats just rude" or "ur nasty!!"
hehe.. i love being me!!
lol!
i think im gonna go now...
might write later!!
love ya david!!
XXXHANAXXX
Tuesday, 8 May 2007
No.
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
He Said No.
im crying. i cant help it. even though i said he was gonna say no... i thought.... he says he likes someone else. i hate myself so much. for dumping him the first time... i had my chance. i should have known.......
My hearts breaking....
you did not just saii those words too me,
please, lets go back iiin tiiime,
to when yhoo loved mee
Cuz
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
My hearts broken
so many tears shed
i want this lifee of miiine
to just go away and end
cuz life without yhoo
its just too bad...
i cant handle this baby
i cant even understandd
Cuz
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
But now i see
this is what u wanted
you wanted her instead of me
and now u've got that
what more can u waant witthh mee?
oh, u wanna be friends, well, not gonna haaappen
i may love u, but to know ur
letting her look into ur eyes,
kiss ur lips
and the thhouuut of yhooo holding herrr close
makes me, so sick to the bone, i
i
i ]
iiiiiiiiiii
miss yhoo....
and i know... its stupid.. i shouuld juust move oon, but im just not gonna
let that happen and u cant stop meee
well, just watch i may not move on, but i gotta hold on
yhooo
so as long as i say, we can beeee friiiendddss i know... that theres a chance... a chance 4 u andd meeeee to neeverr eeendd...
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i
know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
and now u've got that, ull never see thru my deceptiooon, but i promiiise yhoo
ill keep you close, im NEVER GONNA LETTT YHOO GOOO
my love.....
hmmm, My love... woahh wwwwwwaooooahhh ooohh my looove... my love
Ur Mine.
X
im so upset david.. i dont know what to do.. cuz i love him. so much. and i dno.. im scared.. im out here on my own, no-one to catch me when i fall.
im dying. bit by bit... ever since tom.. ive been breaking apart.
i have to go. i cant to this.
Bye david...
x
He Said No.
im crying. i cant help it. even though i said he was gonna say no... i thought.... he says he likes someone else. i hate myself so much. for dumping him the first time... i had my chance. i should have known.......
My hearts breaking....
you did not just saii those words too me,
please, lets go back iiin tiiime,
to when yhoo loved mee
Cuz
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
My hearts broken
so many tears shed
i want this lifee of miiine
to just go away and end
cuz life without yhoo
its just too bad...
i cant handle this baby
i cant even understandd
Cuz
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
But now i see
this is what u wanted
you wanted her instead of me
and now u've got that
what more can u waant witthh mee?
oh, u wanna be friends, well, not gonna haaappen
i may love u, but to know ur
letting her look into ur eyes,
kiss ur lips
and the thhouuut of yhooo holding herrr close
makes me, so sick to the bone, i
i
i ]
iiiiiiiiiii
miss yhoo....
and i know... its stupid.. i shouuld juust move oon, but im just not gonna
let that happen and u cant stop meee
well, just watch i may not move on, but i gotta hold on
yhooo
so as long as i say, we can beeee friiiendddss i know... that theres a chance... a chance 4 u andd meeeee to neeverr eeendd...
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i
know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
and now u've got that, ull never see thru my deceptiooon, but i promiiise yhoo
ill keep you close, im NEVER GONNA LETTT YHOO GOOO
my love.....
hmmm, My love... woahh wwwwwwaooooahhh ooohh my looove... my love
Ur Mine.
X
im so upset david.. i dont know what to do.. cuz i love him. so much. and i dno.. im scared.. im out here on my own, no-one to catch me when i fall.
im dying. bit by bit... ever since tom.. ive been breaking apart.
i have to go. i cant to this.
Bye david...
x
No.
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
He Said No.
im crying. i cant help it. even though i said he was gonna say no... i thought.... he says he likes someone else. i hate myself so much. for dumping him the first time... i had my chance. i should have known.......
My hearts breaking....
you did not just saii those words too me,
please, lets go back iiin tiiime,
to when yhoo loved mee
Cuz
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
My hearts broken
so many tears shed
i want this lifee of miiine
to just go away and end
cuz life without yhoo
its just too bad...
i cant handle this baby
i cant even understandd
Cuz
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
But now i see
this is what u wanted
you wanted her instead of me
and now u've got that
what more can u waant witthh mee?
oh, u wanna be friends, well, not gonna haaappen
i may love u, but to know ur
letting her look into ur eyes,
kiss ur lips
and the thhouuut of yhooo holding herrr close
makes me, so sick to the bone, i
i
i ]
iiiiiiiiiii
miss yhoo....
and i know... its stupid.. i shouuld juust move oon, but im just not gonna
let that happen and u cant stop meee
well, just watch i may not move on, but i gotta hold on
yhooo
so as long as i say, we can beeee friiiendddss i know... that theres a chance... a chance 4 u andd meeeee to neeverr eeendd...
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i
know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
and now u've got that, ull never see thru my deceptiooon, but i promiiise yhoo
ill keep you close, im NEVER GONNA LETTT YHOO GOOO
my love.....
hmmm, My love... woahh wwwwwwaooooahhh ooohh my looove... my love
Ur Mine.
X
im so upset david.. i dont know what to do.. cuz i love him. so much. and i dno.. im scared.. im out here on my own, no-one to catch me when i fall.
im dying. bit by bit... ever since tom.. ive been breaking apart.
i have to go. i cant to this.
Bye david...
x
He Said No.
im crying. i cant help it. even though i said he was gonna say no... i thought.... he says he likes someone else. i hate myself so much. for dumping him the first time... i had my chance. i should have known.......
My hearts breaking....
you did not just saii those words too me,
please, lets go back iiin tiiime,
to when yhoo loved mee
Cuz
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
My hearts broken
so many tears shed
i want this lifee of miiine
to just go away and end
cuz life without yhoo
its just too bad...
i cant handle this baby
i cant even understandd
Cuz
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
But now i see
this is what u wanted
you wanted her instead of me
and now u've got that
what more can u waant witthh mee?
oh, u wanna be friends, well, not gonna haaappen
i may love u, but to know ur
letting her look into ur eyes,
kiss ur lips
and the thhouuut of yhooo holding herrr close
makes me, so sick to the bone, i
i
i ]
iiiiiiiiiii
miss yhoo....
and i know... its stupid.. i shouuld juust move oon, but im just not gonna
let that happen and u cant stop meee
well, just watch i may not move on, but i gotta hold on
yhooo
so as long as i say, we can beeee friiiendddss i know... that theres a chance... a chance 4 u andd meeeee to neeverr eeendd...
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i
know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
and now u've got that, ull never see thru my deceptiooon, but i promiiise yhoo
ill keep you close, im NEVER GONNA LETTT YHOO GOOO
my love.....
hmmm, My love... woahh wwwwwwaooooahhh ooohh my looove... my love
Ur Mine.
X
im so upset david.. i dont know what to do.. cuz i love him. so much. and i dno.. im scared.. im out here on my own, no-one to catch me when i fall.
im dying. bit by bit... ever since tom.. ive been breaking apart.
i have to go. i cant to this.
Bye david...
x
No.
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
He Said No.
im crying. i cant help it. even though i said he was gonna say no... i thought.... he says he likes someone else. i hate myself so much. for dumping him the first time... i had my chance. i should have known.......
My hearts breaking....
you did not just saii those words too me,
please, lets go back iiin tiiime,
to when yhoo loved mee
Cuz
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
My hearts broken
so many tears shed
i want this lifee of miiine
to just go away and end
cuz life without yhoo
its just too bad...
i cant handle this baby
i cant even understandd
Cuz
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
But now i see
this is what u wanted
you wanted her instead of me
and now u've got that
what more can u waant witthh mee?
oh, u wanna be friends, well, not gonna haaappen
i may love u, but to know ur
letting her look into ur eyes,
kiss ur lips
and the thhouuut of yhooo holding herrr close
makes me, so sick to the bone, i
i
i ]
iiiiiiiiiii
miss yhoo....
and i know... its stupid.. i shouuld juust move oon, but im just not gonna
let that happen and u cant stop meee
well, just watch i may not move on, but i gotta hold on
yhooo
so as long as i say, we can beeee friiiendddss i know... that theres a chance... a chance 4 u andd meeeee to neeverr eeendd...
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i
know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
and now u've got that, ull never see thru my deceptiooon, but i promiiise yhoo
ill keep you close, im NEVER GONNA LETTT YHOO GOOO
my love.....
hmmm, My love... woahh wwwwwwaooooahhh ooohh my looove... my love
Ur Mine.
X
im so upset david.. i dont know what to do.. cuz i love him. so much. and i dno.. im scared.. im out here on my own, no-one to catch me when i fall.
im dying. bit by bit... ever since tom.. ive been breaking apart.
i have to go. i cant to this.
Bye david...
x
He Said No.
im crying. i cant help it. even though i said he was gonna say no... i thought.... he says he likes someone else. i hate myself so much. for dumping him the first time... i had my chance. i should have known.......
My hearts breaking....
you did not just saii those words too me,
please, lets go back iiin tiiime,
to when yhoo loved mee
Cuz
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
My hearts broken
so many tears shed
i want this lifee of miiine
to just go away and end
cuz life without yhoo
its just too bad...
i cant handle this baby
i cant even understandd
Cuz
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
But now i see
this is what u wanted
you wanted her instead of me
and now u've got that
what more can u waant witthh mee?
oh, u wanna be friends, well, not gonna haaappen
i may love u, but to know ur
letting her look into ur eyes,
kiss ur lips
and the thhouuut of yhooo holding herrr close
makes me, so sick to the bone, i
i
i ]
iiiiiiiiiii
miss yhoo....
and i know... its stupid.. i shouuld juust move oon, but im just not gonna
let that happen and u cant stop meee
well, just watch i may not move on, but i gotta hold on
yhooo
so as long as i say, we can beeee friiiendddss i know... that theres a chance... a chance 4 u andd meeeee to neeverr eeendd...
when i look in ur eyes, i see her
when i kiss ur lips, i see her
and when u hold me close, i
know just what ur thinking
you want mee to go,
and her to be there
instead offf mee...
and now u've got that, ull never see thru my deceptiooon, but i promiiise yhoo
ill keep you close, im NEVER GONNA LETTT YHOO GOOO
my love.....
hmmm, My love... woahh wwwwwwaooooahhh ooohh my looove... my love
Ur Mine.
X
im so upset david.. i dont know what to do.. cuz i love him. so much. and i dno.. im scared.. im out here on my own, no-one to catch me when i fall.
im dying. bit by bit... ever since tom.. ive been breaking apart.
i have to go. i cant to this.
Bye david...
x
Sam (part FIVE!!)
Hey David...
i am really tired... stayed up all night.. tom was having asma attacks, and we had to get mum to send an inhailer with a taxi at like 4 this morning.
it was scary... tom could've died.
i had my science sats this morning, ive got my maths ones tomorrow..
Sam was just online.. he has scouts or summit... but as he went i asked him if hes thought anymore... and he said 'Maybe...' and went offline!! the bugger!!
im listening to bloc party-prayer... its a good song... i like it alot... ive got it playing on YouTube.com....
tis my savour lol...
im gna wait till sam goes back online..... i want an answer. this time, im not having a 'maybe' he cant keep me strung along like this!!
GRRR!!
lol...... i think he will say no though..... i mean i am gonna push him alot though....... but, i need this... and if it is a no, i can move on with 'life'.... but if he says he feels the same... shit!!
i will be so happy..
it will change everything.. someone will want me, not the flirt i make them like!!
ooh.. he better say yesh!!
i love sam holmes sooooo much!!! that was i love sam holmes sooooo much!!!
lol... i lika thisa writing!!
iiiii miisss hiim caarrriiing... so muuuch... iii miiissss hhiiiim waantiiinggg meee, sooo baaaaaadlllllllyyyy annnd meee knnnoowwinng he wwannnts itss oooo baad
i am really tired... stayed up all night.. tom was having asma attacks, and we had to get mum to send an inhailer with a taxi at like 4 this morning.
it was scary... tom could've died.
i had my science sats this morning, ive got my maths ones tomorrow..
Sam was just online.. he has scouts or summit... but as he went i asked him if hes thought anymore... and he said 'Maybe...' and went offline!! the bugger!!
im listening to bloc party-prayer... its a good song... i like it alot... ive got it playing on YouTube.com....
tis my savour lol...
im gna wait till sam goes back online..... i want an answer. this time, im not having a 'maybe' he cant keep me strung along like this!!
GRRR!!
lol...... i think he will say no though..... i mean i am gonna push him alot though....... but, i need this... and if it is a no, i can move on with 'life'.... but if he says he feels the same... shit!!
i will be so happy..
it will change everything.. someone will want me, not the flirt i make them like!!
ooh.. he better say yesh!!
i love sam holmes sooooo much!!! that was i love sam holmes sooooo much!!!
lol... i lika thisa writing!!
iiiii miisss hiim caarrriiing... so muuuch... iii miiissss hhiiiim waantiiinggg meee, sooo baaaaaadlllllllyyyy annnd meee knnnoowwinng he wwannnts itss oooo baad
Monday, 7 May 2007
Hello.
Hello David.
Do you think death is the end?
i dont. i think we live on.. in others hearts...
yeah right.
nah, i dont beleive in that bollucks... but i do beleive in reincarnation... i really wanna come back as a nice fat cat, with a nice family, and food... ooh, and a nice big comfy sofa... just like my cat does.
i wonder how insanity comes about...
Becky put doubts in my mind, y'know.
but when the time comes, ill know what to do.
i think im crazy... but not good crazy.
i think... god, i dunno...
i feel very odd inside... im ful of anger... but at Me...... i dont want to be, it just complicates things.
i have felt hate alot. too much maybe, for someone my age.
i cant wait until im Free.... free of school, home, friends. well 'friends'. none of them know me....
i wish they did... i could have someone to share the thoughts with.. i have so many...
and my plans, theories... like my sims 2 idea... oh well.. im gonna go have a shower... maybe i can wash away the hate... the tears.... the need for revenge.
Doubtful. thats what i say to sam, when he i go offline, he says love u, and i put doubtful. because, its taken so long. i want him to make a decision
im falling out of love with him. and thats scary. i want to love him forever,
in truth... i just hate the thought of being alone. i wish that when i run away, someone came after me, like i go after them, when they are sad. but no-one does for me.
i hate self pity.. u see, with me, its all about the hate, i cant help it... AHH
im going insane. i can feel it, reaching out from the depths... into me....
Bye David.
Sorry.
x
Do you think death is the end?
i dont. i think we live on.. in others hearts...
yeah right.
nah, i dont beleive in that bollucks... but i do beleive in reincarnation... i really wanna come back as a nice fat cat, with a nice family, and food... ooh, and a nice big comfy sofa... just like my cat does.
i wonder how insanity comes about...
Becky put doubts in my mind, y'know.
but when the time comes, ill know what to do.
i think im crazy... but not good crazy.
i think... god, i dunno...
i feel very odd inside... im ful of anger... but at Me...... i dont want to be, it just complicates things.
i have felt hate alot. too much maybe, for someone my age.
i cant wait until im Free.... free of school, home, friends. well 'friends'. none of them know me....
i wish they did... i could have someone to share the thoughts with.. i have so many...
and my plans, theories... like my sims 2 idea... oh well.. im gonna go have a shower... maybe i can wash away the hate... the tears.... the need for revenge.
Doubtful. thats what i say to sam, when he i go offline, he says love u, and i put doubtful. because, its taken so long. i want him to make a decision
im falling out of love with him. and thats scary. i want to love him forever,
in truth... i just hate the thought of being alone. i wish that when i run away, someone came after me, like i go after them, when they are sad. but no-one does for me.
i hate self pity.. u see, with me, its all about the hate, i cant help it... AHH
im going insane. i can feel it, reaching out from the depths... into me....
Bye David.
Sorry.
x
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